Why Do I Feel So Attached to Influencers?

Several smaller, independent creators said they wanted to stop following big-name influencers. For many, the content those influencers shared no longer aligned with their values. Which naturally raised a question: why was I so attached to this person in the first place?

Because yes, when we follow influencers or content creators, we often become attached to them and their lives. Well, the parts they choose to show us, anyway. For some of us, they become role models, or even the embodiment of our life goals. This one-sided emotional connection with someone we don’t actually know has a name: a parasocial relationship.

Today, we’re going to explore what that means, and how to take a little distance when a creator we love starts making us feel unhappy.

But first, let me introduce myself. The little voice talking to you is Laureline. I’m the co-founder and designer of Jomo, and have been for the past four years. Since 2022, Thomas and I have been working to create the best screen time app we can: one that helps you take back control of your digital life. Alongside the app, we write this blog. Every week, we try to share something useful, explain a trend, or put together a tutorial.

Let’s get into it!

What Is a Parasocial Relationship?

Before we get into the world of influencers, let’s start with the basics. A parasocial relationship is a one-sided social and emotional bond with a media figure: an influencer, YouTuber, streamer, celebrity, TV host, athlete, or even a fictional character. Basically, you feel connected to someone who doesn’t know you exist.

But the emotion itself is real. You might sincerely:

• Feel happy when they share good news.

• Feel sad when they’re going through a difficult time.

• Feel as though you know their personality.

• Anticipate what they’ll think about something.

• Trust them.

This isn’t a new phenomenon, and it didn’t start with social media. The term dates back to a 1956 paper about mass media. The researchers noticed something interesting about television: some presenters looked straight into the camera, spoke in a familiar, conversational way, and became a regular presence in viewers’ lives. The result? Some viewers felt as though the presenter was looking at them and speaking directly to them.

What’s different between the 1950s and 2026 is how much access we have. Turning off the TV used to put an end to the broadcast, at least for the evening. With social media, your favorite influencer can follow you everywhere, even into the most private moments of your day.

Why Do We Develop These Relationships?

The cues influencers use look a lot like the ones we associate with real friendships:

• They speak directly to us.

• They tell us about their personal problems.

• They show us around their apartment or house.

• They talk to us almost every day.

• They address us like friends: “Hey, besties,” “you guys,” and so on.

Compared with the TV stars we looked up to growing up, influencers can feel much more accessible. How much do you really know about Brad Pitt’s daily routine compared with that of a lifestyle influencer you follow?

As research on social media and parasocial relationships explains, that sense of access and intimacy can help these connections grow. Three elements are particularly easy to recognize in our own habits.

1. Repetition

You might see your favorite influencer every day, sometimes several times a day. And you don’t necessarily follow them for just a week or two. It can be years. You might even have grown up watching them.

Eventually, this person becomes part of your world. A familiar presence. Sometimes, one you see more often than your own friends.

2. Similarity

We tend to feel closer to people we have something in common with: values, humor, age, family circumstances, hobbies, interests, or taste. Research has found a link between feeling aligned with an influencer and having a stronger parasocial relationship.

Sometimes, that connection also involves who we’d like to become. We follow someone because they embody our “life goals.” We love their home, their looks, their career, their travels, their social circle. The creator becomes a model for the person we want to be. A true influencer.

3. Intimacy

Some creators used to keep much more of their private lives to themselves, partly to protect their privacy. Now, sharing the less polished parts of life has become part of many creators’ appeal. A flawless image isn’t necessarily what makes people connect. Sometimes, it’s the imperfections and glimpses of a “real” person behind the account.

And once you start learning personal things about someone, it’s hard to feel nothing at all.

Art by Dona Mara

Why Do I Feel Like I Need These Influencers?

There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. These connections can bring something positive to our lives. A creator might offer a sense of belonging when you feel lonely, entertainment when your routine feels suffocating, motivation when you’re feeling low, or useful information when you don’t have time to sort through everything yourself.

The real question is: what place does this relationship have in my life? How does it affect my choices and the way I feel?

When Does It Become a Problem?

There isn’t one specific situation that makes a relationship unhealthy. But there are a few things worth paying attention to:

• When it replaces other relationships. Parasocial relationships can offer a sense of support and belonging. But things can change when they become a substitute for connections with people who can know us back. Someone who feels lonely might seek comfort in an influencer’s content. That can offer some relief. If watching that content also means withdrawing further from other people, though, it’s worth noticing the pattern.

• When we forget the relationship is one-sided. You know the influencer, but they don’t know you. What they say isn’t automatically true, fact-checked, or right for you. Advertising is also part of many influencers’ business models: sometimes, they’re being paid to sell you something. A study of social media users in Morocco found links between an influencer’s perceived credibility, stronger parasocial relationships, greater trust, and a greater intention to buy. These are associations, but they’re a useful reminder that feeling close to someone can matter when we consider their recommendations.

Should We Take a Step Back?

Yes and no. You don’t need to avoid content creators like the plague. Once again, it’s about choosing the place they have in your life.

There’s a big difference between “I watch this creator from time to time” and “I open Instagram every half hour to see what they’re doing, buy everything they recommend, and rely on them for some of my life decisions.”

In the first case, it feels like a choice. In the second, it can start to feel like something you’re caught up in.